02 May Tonight, My Daughter Told Me She Wants A New Mommy
Tonight, my daughter told me she wants a new mommy!
We weren’t fighting at all. She said it casually while we were asking each other how our day went before bedtime.
It felt like I got stabbed in the heart.
She said it was because I get stressed out a lot.
She’s right. I get stressed out over little things. When she and her brother don’t want to share toys, when they don’t listen even after telling them not to do something countless times, or when her brother ended up hurting her (and sometimes when she hurt her brother). And when I get stressed out, I yell.
Yes, those are little things that happen every single day. So yes, I get stressed out a lot EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.
I tried to fight the pain; I told her I’ll try my best to not get stressed out so she won’t want a new Mommy anymore. A firm “No!” was all I got. This went on for a while.
She said she wants her friend’s Mom. Shocked, I asked why.
She said she doesn’t know but she just wants to be like her.
It felt like someone just ripped my heart out and broke it into a million pieces.
I turned my back on her. The pain was unbearable.
How in the world did that happen? She only gets to see “the other mom” during daycare drop off and pick up.
I’m supposed to be her role model. Someone she looks up to, someone she wants to be like someday. I guess I’m not a good one.
I started questioning everything I know, everything I did.
Maybe I cannot handle being a mom.
Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing.
But I thought everything I’ve been doing is for their own good; to help them become responsible, loving, kind, and compassionate adults?
I thought I’ve done a lot of good & fun things for them and with them to make precious memories together & help balance out the bad days we’ve had.
The fact that my daughter wants a new mommy, I guess those weren’t enough.
I am not good enough.
My kids deserve a better mom. And maybe, just maybe, they deserve someone who won’t get stressed out so easily; someone who’s always happy and cheerful no matter what happens.
They’re the best thing that ever happened to me; but maybe I don’t deserve them.
What do I do now? My daughter wants a new mommy.
She hugged & kissed me, and apologized for hurting me countless times while she was crying.
I hugged her. I didn’t know what to say. I was just crying. The pain was too much.
For the first time, I’m at a lost for words.
I didn’t know how to comfort her; how to make it right.
I failed her. I failed as a mom.
Before she fell asleep, she told me she wants me to be happy.
How can you be happy knowing that your daughter wants a new mommy?
How do you move on from this?
I guess I’ll just try to sleep.
Maybe tomorrow, I’ll have the strength to forgive myself and try my best to be the mommy my daughter longs for.
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What did you think of this post? What is the most heartbreaking thing your child has ever said to you? Let me know in the comments. You know I always love to hear from you.