Tonight, My Daughter Told Me She Wants A New Mommy

Tonight, my daughter told me she wants a new mommy!

We weren’t fighting at all. She said it casually while we were asking each other how our day went before bedtime.

It felt like I got stabbed in the heart.

She said it was because I get stressed out a lot.

 

She’s right. I get stressed out over little things. When she and her brother don’t want to share toys, when they don’t listen even after telling them not to do something countless times, or when her brother ended up hurting her (and sometimes when she hurt her brother). And when I get stressed out, I yell.

Yes, those are little things that happen every single day. So yes, I get stressed out a lot EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

 

I tried to fight the pain; I told her I’ll try my best to not get stressed out so she won’t want a new Mommy anymore. A firm “No!” was all I got. This went on for a while.

 

She said she wants her friend’s Mom. Shocked, I asked why.

She said she doesn’t know but she just wants to be like her.

It felt like someone just ripped my heart out and broke it into a million pieces.

 

I turned my back on her. The pain was unbearable.

mommy and daughter angry at each other, daughter wants a new mom

How in the world did that happen? She only gets to see “the other mom” during daycare drop off and pick up.

I’m supposed to be her role model. Someone she looks up to, someone she wants to be like someday. I guess I’m not a good one.

 

I started questioning everything I know, everything I did.

Maybe I cannot handle being a mom.

Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing.

 

But I thought everything I’ve been doing is for their own good; to help them become responsible, loving, kind, and compassionate adults?

I thought I’ve done a lot of good & fun things for them and with them to make precious memories together & help balance out the bad days we’ve had.

The fact that my daughter wants a new mommy, I guess those weren’t enough.

I am not good enough.

 

My kids deserve a better mom. And maybe, just maybe, they deserve someone who won’t get stressed out so easily; someone who’s always happy and cheerful no matter what happens.

They’re the best thing that ever happened to me; but maybe I don’t deserve them.

What do I do now? My daughter wants a new mommy.

 

She hugged & kissed me, and apologized for hurting me countless times while she was crying.

I hugged her. I didn’t know what to say. I was just crying. The pain was too much.

For the first time, I’m at a lost for words.

I didn’t know how to comfort her; how to make it right.

I failed her. I failed as a mom.

 

Before she fell asleep, she told me she wants me to be happy.

How can you be happy knowing that your daughter wants a new mommy?

How do you move on from this?

 

I guess I’ll just try to sleep.

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll have the strength to forgive myself and try my best to be the mommy my daughter longs for.

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2 images both with daughter and mom angry at each other with a text What To Do When Your Daughter Wants A New Mom

What did you think of this post? What is the most heartbreaking thing your child has ever said to you? Let me know in the comments. You know I always love to hear from you.

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Kisses, Belle - blog post signature

50 Comments

  1. May 2, 2018 / 2:12 AM

    Oh Belle, I am so so sorry. Kids really don’t understand the weight of their words. I hope you are able to accept her apology and move on without any guilt or shame from the situation. ❤️

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:45 PM

      Thanks Inez! I’ve moved on from it and forgave myself. I’m trying my best to be better. And I think she’s really surprised that I don’t get stressed out as much as before.

  2. May 2, 2018 / 9:31 AM

    Oh my word!! Words hurt. But mommy, you are the best!!

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:44 PM

      Thanks Charlene!

  3. Danielle
    May 2, 2018 / 9:37 AM

    It always hurts the worst when it comes from those who are the most important to us! We all go through ups + downs – you just have to ride this one out girlfriend! <3

    xx, Danielle | Pineapple & Prosecco

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:44 PM

      I guess that is so true! Thanks girl!

  4. May 2, 2018 / 9:51 AM

    The grass is always greener. She’ll learn that soon enough, in the meantime, deep breaths and imagining them growing up and moving off to college helps me focus on the more important things. Stay strong, Mama. You’ve got this.

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:43 PM

      Thanks Marta!

  5. May 2, 2018 / 11:15 AM

    Kids don’t always know what they are saying. She loves you with all her heart and although the grass looks greener elsewhere, it isn’t. Hang in there, it’s all part of raising a daughter!

    XOXO
    Cathy

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:43 PM

      Thanks Cathy!

  6. May 2, 2018 / 11:16 AM

    Oh mama. Please don’t be so hard on yourself! You’ve got a lot on your plate and you’re doing the best you can! Things get said in the heat of the moment, and you know that she doesn’t mean it. Still, if you find that there’s truth to what she says about your behavior, find ways to alleviate what’s making you stress. Good luck!

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:42 PM

      Thanks Jenn! I’m trying my best not to be stressed out nowadays. She always gets surprise if I don’t get mad about things now.

  7. May 2, 2018 / 11:49 AM

    Kids will break your heart a million times. My husband asked my then 3-year-old son if he had the best mommy in the whole wide world. He said, “No, Aunt Stephanie is a better mommy”. I just had to laugh because she probably is a better mom than me. She had 3 kids under 2. But no matter what your daughter tells you, I’m sure she wants to be just like you.

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:42 PM

      Ouch! So sorry to hear that Megan.

  8. May 2, 2018 / 12:39 PM

    I’m so sorry you felt this way but don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s a tough job being a mom and I’m sure you are doing everything you can in her best interest. She’s also a little girl and probably one sees and wants anything fun. In the end, she will always need her mom.

    http://www.rdsobsessions.com

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:41 PM

      Thanks Rach!

  9. Amber
    May 2, 2018 / 2:17 PM

    I think you are doing something wrong if your kids don’t hate you from time to time. lol. Being a mommy is hard work!

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:40 PM

      Lol! That’s such a great reassurance. Thank you!

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:39 PM

      Thanks Stacy!

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:38 PM

      Thanks Tanvi!

  10. May 2, 2018 / 9:53 PM

    She will learn that the grass isn’t always greener and that her words actually mean something. Don’t sweat it mama, stay strong.

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:38 PM

      Thanks Leigh!

  11. May 3, 2018 / 1:47 AM

    This post broke my heart! So sorry for your pain mama, but I know she loves you! One day she will look back and see that everything you did was, in the end, for her. Sending you lots of love and virtual hugs!

    Kileen
    cute & little

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:38 PM

      Thanks Kileen!

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:38 PM

      Thanks, Jessica!

  12. Anna English
    May 3, 2018 / 9:59 AM

    I can’t imagine how difficult it was to hear that! Thanks for sharing your story with us.

  13. Samantha Leigh Kresz
    May 3, 2018 / 9:41 PM

    I think it’s great that you shared your story. I know when I was a kid you I did’t always say the nicest things to my mom. I’m sure you are not alone in your experience or feelings.

  14. May 4, 2018 / 8:50 AM

    Sorry this happened to you! Kids say things without realizing what they are actually saying, sort of like when they say that they hate their parents. My daughter is 4 and hasn’t said anything like this… yet. I’m sure at some point in her stressed preschool life, she will utter those words.

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:32 PM

      I guess that’s true. Thank you!

  15. May 4, 2018 / 9:25 AM

    The Lord requires us to show love, care, and to provide for our children. We have to take care of them to the best of our ability for His honor and glory. Parenting is hard work, and I need the help of the Lord every day!

  16. May 4, 2018 / 10:22 PM

    You poor thing! I don’t know what I would do except cry too! But she did not mean it, and you are such a great mom! I would have had a hard time with that, know she loves you!!

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:30 PM

      Thanks Lydia!

  17. Nina
    May 6, 2018 / 8:25 PM

    You’re doing an amazing job, being a mom is so hard! Kids will always say things like that to parents, don’t let it get to you too harshly!

    Xo, Nina
    Law of Fashion Blog

  18. May 7, 2018 / 9:35 AM

    She’s a doll! I don’t have kids yet, but I remember saying this to my mom. I never meant it. Now she’s my best friend!

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:28 PM

      Thanks girl! That’s such a relief.

  19. May 7, 2018 / 9:41 AM

    Aww wow what an impactful post this is. Words really do hurt even if they are coming from an innocent place. You are doing a great job at being her Mommy! One day she will look back and realize the impact you had on her life:)

    xoxo, Hannah

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:28 PM

      Thank you Hannah! It means a lot.

  20. Ruthie Ridley
    May 8, 2018 / 4:45 PM

    You are such a great mom! Love your perspective!

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:27 PM

      Thanks, Ruthie!

  21. Kristina
    May 8, 2018 / 8:38 PM

    Kids say the darndest things and no matter what happens, you know that she loves you more than anything!

    • May 10, 2018 / 12:27 PM

      Awww! Thanks girl!

  22. May 12, 2018 / 11:30 PM

    That is so completely heartbreaking! Kids say things in the moment but underneath she loves you so much. We all get stressed out sometimes, don’t be too hard on yourself.

    Xo Jannine | http://www.happystylishfit.com

    • May 13, 2018 / 8:13 AM

      Thanks Jannine!

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