How To Help Your Child Deal With Mean Friends

How to help your child deal with mean friends? As a parent, how would you handle it? Would you know how to instantly react when you see your child’s friend being mean to them right in front of your eyes? Today, I’m going to share with you our experience with my daughter’s mean friends; and the best way to help your child deal with mean friends if they have some.

How To Help Your Child Deal With Mean Friends

We know that not everyone can be nice all the time; there are mean people out there, EVERY.SINGLE.DAY! As parents, it’s probably the worst when our child has to deal with mean friends. Although we know that our child getting hurt is inevitable; as moms, we try our very best to protect our kids from it. But sometimes, despite our best efforts, it happens; and we can only wish that the situation helps to toughen them up for the crazy world out there. That’s what happened to us one morning during daycare drop-off.

My Daughter’s Friends Were Mean To Her

girl being gossiped about by friends - what to do when someone is mean to your child, how to help your child deal with mean friends

Girl being gossiped about by friends – How to help your child deal with mean friends?

It was a morning like any other. As we were walking towards her classroom, I have been throwing her jacket up in the air and acted funny as I was catching it. She laughed hysterically. Every single morning, I try my best to make the short work to her classroom as fun as possible for her; and I would take my time before saying goodbye to her. I always want to give her the best morning she could possibly have. That morning has been a good one for her, until her friends broke her heart.

Inside her classroom, we found 2 of her friends playing in the media table. She was so excited to join them. The look in their eyes when they saw my daughter told me something wasn’t right. First, we did our morning routine. We checked what her job was for the day; and then we looked for her name from the table filled with her friend’s name and pinned it on their name board. By then, she was rushing to say goodbye to me so she can join her friends in the media table. But one friend whispered to the other (loud enough for me to hear), “Let’s not play with Alex!” And the other friend (one of my daughter’s best friends) agreed. And then her best friend said it out loud “We don’t want to play with you!” My heart broke.




I Didn’t Know How To Deal With My Daughter’s Mean Friends

This was something that we haven’t experienced before. I seriously didn’t know how to deal with my daughter’s mean friends when it happened right in front of me. I was angry! I was about to cry but I held it in because I knew I have to be strong for my daughter! How could they say that to her?! I looked at my daughter, and she looked so sad. She’s a very sweet girl. This is new to her. She wasn’t saying anything and she didn’t know what to do. My heart broke into million pieces even more! I wanted so bad to say something to these girls because it was a teachable moment; but I wasn’t sure if it was my place. And I know how I would feel if another mom tried to lecture my daughter. So we walked away and I kept assuring my daughter it’s okay.

How I Helped My Daughter Deal With Mean Friends

Of all the advice I got about motherhood and parenting, no one ever told me how to help your child deal with mean friends. I really wish someone did, but no one did! So at that moment, I just did what I thought was right. We tried to look for other places she could play in and other friends she could play with, but she didn’t want to play anywhere else and with someone else. She didn’t want me to go. I told her teacher what happened and she offered to play with her, but my daughter didn’t want to. The teacher talked to the girls and encouraged my daughter to play in the media table; my daughter walked away from me which was my sign that I can leave.

I left with such a heavy heart. I started questioning everything! How can two 3-year-old kids act like that, and say that to her? I hated having to go to work that day! While sobbing on my way to work, I wished I didn’t have a full-time job so I can just stay at home with my kids and protect them from all of these. But then I realized maybe she needed to experience that so she’ll be wiser and stronger because of it.

I Talked To My Daughter’s Teachers

Later that day, I talked to her teachers to express my concern. I was told that it has been happening frequently recently and it was initiated by the older kids in their class. They’ve been trying their best to encourage the kids to be friendly and nice to each other; but they still say mean things to other kids and sometimes to the teachers too. It made me more worried. I was assured that whenever that happens, they will make sure that everyone knows that it’s wrong and what the right thing to do is.

I Taught My Daughter How To Deal With Her Mean Friends

mother and daughter talking about what to do when someone is mean to your child, how to help your child deal with mean friends

Mother and daughter talking about the little girl’s mean friends – How to help your child deal with mean friends?

I talked to my daughter about her mean friends as soon as we came home that day. I explained to her the reality of life – that not everyone will be nice to her all the time. There will be days when she’ll encounter mean kids (and people) just like what happened earlier that day. When her friends are mean to her, she shouldn’t let that get to her. If they don’t want to play with her, then just let them be. She needs to just walk away and not let whatever they say affect her. There’s a lot of other kids who would love to play with her anyway, and I bet they are as fun. At this point, she smiled!



I told her it’s not her loss if her friends don’t want to play with her. I actually feel bad for them because they’re missing out; they can’t see what an amazing girl she truly is. And then she smiled even more. I assured her that she’ll find other friends who will ALWAYS be nice to her and will ALWAYS want to play with her no matter what happens; those are the friends who are worth keeping. She nodded.

I also reminded her that when her friends are mean to her, she can always talk to me about it or any of her teachers. And I assured her that Mommy, Daddy, and Xoey will ALWAYS LOVE to play with her no matter what happens. Of course, I ended the talk with telling her that we love her so much.

How I Wish I Would Have Dealt With My Daughter’s Mean Friends

If there’s one thing I wish I have done differently, I wish I would have talked to my daughter right then and there. When I heard her friends tell her they didn’t want to play with her, I should have talked to my daughter and addressed what happened in a tone that her friends would hear me so they can realize that what they said was wrong. But I didn’t; and I can only learn from it.

I am very much aware that everyone goes through this phase; and there’s no avoiding it! I also know that they’re kids, and sometimes they say things they don’t mean. But that doesn’t make it right. I strongly believe that the values that we want our kids to have should be instilled while they’re young. And being mean is something that needs to be corrected as soon as it starts; because if we don’t it might turn into something worse.

I wasn’t expecting my daughter to have to deal with mean friends too soon; she’s just 3. I wasn’t ready for it! But she already did. The only thing I can do right now is to always be there for her and guide her through all the difficult times she has yet to go through. I will always remind her that even if bad things happen, everything will still be okay. I will show her what resilience is; because in this day and age, that is what she needs.

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image of girl being gossiped about by friends, and a mother talking to her daughter - what to do when someone is mean to your child, how to help your child deal with mean friends

What did you think of this post? Has your child ever had to deal with mean friends? How did you help your child deal with them? Let me know in the comments. You know I always love to hear from you.

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16 Comments

  1. Jennifer
    February 9, 2018 / 11:44 AM

    One of the hardest things as a parent!! I think you did a great job!

  2. Kelly Moyer
    February 9, 2018 / 11:48 AM

    This is such a heartbreaking subject. I think you did an awesome job dealing with this. Beautiful!!

  3. February 9, 2018 / 11:59 AM

    My daughter is only 1 so I haven’t dealt with this yet, but it does worry me. Kids can be mean, it’s kind of an instinctual thing, a weird way of bonding. They are mean to one person because them being mean is their way of bonding, but it leaves the one person left out and sad. It’s just like how as kids get older they form groups/cliques and it’s always hard for an outsider to join.

    The best thing we can do is teach our children to be loving to everyone to try and counter this animal instinct.

  4. Katie and lydia
    February 9, 2018 / 12:52 PM

    Really loved this post & really learned a lot from it. It’s never fun to not be included or to feel left out.. no matter how old you are. I don’t have any kids, but how you dealt with the whole situation is amazing!
    xo, lydia

  5. Lolah ChristSoldiergirl Akingb
    February 9, 2018 / 1:43 PM

    Such a great party, my daughter is just two but I constantly worry about things like this when she starts school. It’s so scary and I totally get how you didn’t think it was in your place. I love how you handled it though and also how you spoke to your daughter about how she should react next time. As mother’s we always want to be able to solve all our children’s battles but sadly we won’t always be around them we can only do our best to teach them. Thanks for sharing this!!

  6. Shelby Skaggs
    February 9, 2018 / 1:43 PM

    I hate your daughter had to experience that. these are great tips!

    xo!
    Shelby

  7. Amanda
    February 9, 2018 / 3:15 PM

    Gosh mama I am currently going through this exact thing! It is definitely heart breaking. I think you handled this beautifully! I am definitely going to have ‘the talk’ with my child in front of the other children the next time this happens. That is absolutely brilliant! I am so sorry that your daughter, and you, had to experience this!

  8. Courtney Hardy
    February 9, 2018 / 4:00 PM

    That sucks. When i was a kid i had this one mean friend who i later stopped hanging out with because she would pick on me for no reason. I don’t get how 5 year olds can be so mean either.
    http://sugarcoatedbears.blogspot.com/

  9. February 9, 2018 / 7:46 PM

    I can only imagine how hard that must’ve been! My son is only a few weeks old so I’m so thankful I’ve read your post and have had a chance to think about how to respond to something like that before it happens.

    Xo Jannine | http://www.happystylishfit.com

  10. Jenn
    February 9, 2018 / 9:15 PM

    That’s sad. I went through a situation like that when i was young. I’ve also been guilty of doing it to someone else. I think you handled it great!

  11. Kait Elizabeth
    February 9, 2018 / 9:52 PM

    This is heartbreaking! I can’t imagine dealing with this as a parent….. Hugs, Kait

  12. Bay Area Fashionista
    February 9, 2018 / 11:52 PM

    I’m so sorry this happened! My son had this happen from two boys he thought were his friends. It’s so hard for them to deal with this at a young age when everything should be happy. I love how you handled it and your daughter will grow and become stronger from the experience.

    XOXO
    Cathy

  13. February 10, 2018 / 12:10 PM

    This is heartbreaking! Great tips, hopefully this will help other parents dealing with the same thing.

  14. February 10, 2018 / 3:04 PM

    This is a great post, my son has kids in his class who are mean to him, and we have to explain to him, just like you said, that not everyone is going to be nice all the time.

  15. Rosie Janssen
    February 10, 2018 / 6:45 PM

    THis makes me sad! My son is 3 and is already dealing with mean friends. The other day one was over and told him he couldn’t be his best friend unless he gave him his new race track. It’s sad but reading this helped so thank you!

  16. Tierney Cashman
    February 10, 2018 / 9:26 PM

    This is such great advice. I’m terrified of my daughter dealing with this when she gets older. Now I know how to handle it! You did great, mama.

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