25 Jan Why I Chose To Give Up My Dream Wedding
Are you planning a wedding but couldn’t justify all the expenses that come with it? Do you have to save up a lot to be able to afford your dream wedding, and have started to think that a smaller and simpler one might be the way to go? Relax; that’s perfectly fine. And to be honest, you’re not the only one! Today, I am sharing with you why I agreed to have a simple wedding.
I am not going to deny it; just like most women, I’ve dreamed of my own wedding since I was a kid. I’ve always wanted an intimate sunset beach wedding where I will be wearing the classiest body hugging gown with delicate lace and bead details; while walking down the aisle with my bare feet touching the sand, as a very good friend of mine sing some of our favorite songs. And then we would exchange our vows as the sun sets, in front of our closest friends and relatives. Then we’ll celebrate and party under the stars after the ceremony. I always thought this is how I’m getting married; that is until I got into a long distance relationship with my then-boyfriend.
Why I Agreed To Have A Small Wedding
The discussion about having a small and simple wedding came out of nowhere. One afternoon while we were talking over Skype, my then-boyfriend asked me “Would it be okay if I couldn’t give you the wedding that you’ve dreamed of?”. Without a doubt in my mind, I said “Yes!” Sure, he’d told me before that he’s going to file a petition so that we can be together; but to be honest, it didn’t cross my mind (or I didn’t assume) that he’d want to marry me since he just got out of one. But you were probably wondering why, for someone who’s very unprepared, I agreed to a simple wedding. The answers are pretty simple.
Because I Love Him
It was pretty clear to me. I love him and I know in my heart that I want nothing else but to spend the rest of my life with him (yes, it’s possible to know that after being in a relationship for only a few months). I’ve been in several relationships and I know deep inside that he could be the one I’ve been praying for since I was younger. The one with whom I finally felt bliss, security, and contentment with. And if getting to be with him forever means that I’ll have to marry him in an alley with me wearing the simplest tee, jeans, and flip flops; then, I’d gladly do it.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not settling for less than I deserve. After everything I’ve been through, I know better than to settle for what I know I should have. I FINALLY found myself a man who loves me and treats me the way I deserve to be treated. One who’s willing to do things for me without any complains because he knows they’re going to make me happy even if he doesn’t want to. It just so happened that this great guy wouldn’t be able to afford my dream wedding at that time.
Should I give him up knowing that he’s the perfect man for me in the hopes that the next one will be able to give me the wedding that I’ve always dreamed of? While I may be able to find a guy who’s a better fit for me, it’s also possible that I’ll find someone who’s not even half as great as him. And even if the next guy is definitely so much better than my then-boyfriend and will be able to give me my dream wedding, I still don’t think that will work because my heart already belongs to someone else. Because when the heart chooses, there’s no way you can change that. So the answer is simple – No way! When you find someone (or even something) that makes you perfectly happy, there is no way you are settling!
Because I Want To Be Practical
I didn’t want to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding dress that I’d only get to wear once. And I also didn’t want to spend a huge chunk of our money that we’d spend numerous months saving up for just for one night to celebrate our union. I don’t have anything against those who have done this or who plan to do this; if this is what’s going to make you happy, then by all means, go ahead and do it. As for me, I found what’s going to make me happy and it’s him.
I’ve seen a lot of weddings that are as lavish and dreamy as they could be, but the couple would end up separated months or years after. Extravagant weddings don’t guarantee you’ll live happily ever after. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter how grand your wedding is; what matters is how beautiful your married life is going to be, and how happy you are in it. And that is what I wanted to have.
Of course, our marriage isn’t perfect at all. Like most couples, we’ve had arguments. And at some point, I’ve even doubted how much I want this marriage to work. But at the end of the day, our love for each other and our commitment to make it work is what saved us.
Because I Have To Enter The United States Through A Fianceé Visa
Since we were in a long distance relationship for 2 years, he had to file a petition for me so that I can stay here, in the United States, with him legally. With that, I had to enter the U.S. through a Fianceé Visa; and that entails getting married within 90 days of my arrival here which was another factor why I couldn’t have my dream wedding.
Given that 90-day deadline, it really made it very challenging to have my dream wedding. There is no way that we’d be able to save up to afford a beach wedding here in the U.S. in time for the wedding, let alone get tourist visas for my parents and some of my friends so that they could be part of our special day. Not to mention that my husband isn’t really good with planning (I do all of the planning) so it would be a struggle to plan an out of the country wedding while I was in Manila.
Yes, we could have gotten married in the Philippines where everything’s so much cheaper and everyone that I would want to be a part of it will be there; but that would just make the process of getting here in the U.S. so much longer. The simplest and fastest way for us to be together was through a Fianceé Visa.
Our Simple Wedding
6 years ago, we had our wedding on a Friday afternoon in February, in a lawyer’s office. I was wearing a white sheath dress with a black ribbon which I specifically chose because I’d be able to wear it again after the wedding, and paired it with one of my old sandals that I had brought with me from Manila. We exchanged our vows in front of his family and best friend; I didn’t have family nor friends with me. The party after the ceremony was done in his uncle’s house (it was also his uncle’s birthday).
Our wedding wasn’t dreamy nor magical as I’d hope it would be but it was definitely one of the happiest days of my life. Knowing that I’d start a family and grow old with him gave me such bliss that no extravagant weddings can ever dampen. Before we got married, we had talked about the possibility of me being jealous with others if I see them get their dream wedding. Since we got married, I’ve seen a lot of weddings of friends and even celebrities who are known for dreamy and magical weddings; but I’ve never felt even a slight tingle of jealousy. That’s how I know that I was very happy and at peace with what I chose to have.
We did talk about making my dream wedding come true down the road when we are financially able. But now that we have 2 kids and have been paying for daycare for both, I know that it isn’t going to be anytime soon. And since life always happens, I also know that my dream wedding may not happen at all, and that’s absolutely fine with me. As long as we’re happy, our kids’ needs are met, we continue to have a fun and loving home, and we do what we need to do to keep our marriage strong, then a simple wedding was really all I needed.
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What did you think of this post? Was your wedding everything you ever hoped it would be? Let me know in the comments. You know I always love to hear from you.