05 Jan How To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work
Have you ever wondered if long distance relationship is for you? Have you ever felt so strongly for someone but decided to just let those feelings go because that special someone is in a different timezone and the fear of not being constantly together might destroy your relationship? While I am not an expert in long distance relationships, I’ve been in one for 2 years. He lives in the U.S. while I was in the Philippines. So I wanted to share how our long distance relationship ended in marriage and me FINALLY living in the U.S. with him.
How Our Long Distance Relationship Started
My husband and I were schoolmates in college. We met during our freshman year and have remained friends since. A few years after our graduation, we met one night while he was in Manila. And that’s when we both found out that we’ve liked each other since college but we never got around to telling each other that because we were both in a serious relationship then. We had a great time that night that we still decided to go out for a few more times even if he was about to leave for the U.S. in a few days.
The day before he left, he told me he wanted to be in a serious relationship with me. Back then, he just got out of a very serious relationship and I was just moving on from a very messy and crazy relationship. It wasn’t the perfect situation for us but I’ve always loved taking risks so I decided to wait and see where the long distance relationship would lead us. It wasn’t easy and it was a huge adjustment for me but I believe these are the things that helped us made our relationship work.
Back when I was younger, I would always think that I don’t deserve a good guy. I felt like someone who has a “bad boy” image suits me better (we’ve all been in this phase, right?). I guess the challenge that comes with being with someone that can never be fully yours is what fuels my desire to get the unattainable. It took me innumerable broken hearts, countless times of crying myself to sleep, and drinking every night just to numb the pain to realize what I really want in a relationship.
Although I honestly don’t regret any of the relationships I’ve been in; at the time, those were the things that I wanted, and those are the things that made me happy. Those failed relationships actually helped me realize that I don’t deserve any of those crap; and I deserve someone who will love me and me alone, someone who will treat me like I’m the most beautiful woman in the world (even if I’m really not). And that is how my then-boyfriend made me feel. He managed to make me feel loved and secured even though he was thousands of miles away. So I am thankful for my heartbreaks; because without them I wouldn’t have come to appreciate how lucky I am to have found my husband.
Of course, he had his own share of heartbreaks like everyone else does; but I won’t go into any details out of respect for him. And with all the failed relationships that we both have been through, with all the challenges that came with long distance relationships that we’ve faced together like not being together especially when it mattered, it was our maturity that helped us realize that what we have is exactly what we want and what we need. And because of that, no matter what happened, we strove to make it work, all the time.
Constant communication is also very important in long distance relationships. When my husband and I lived thousands of miles apart, we would always chat or Skype twice a day, every single day. Whenever I would go out with my friends, I would stay up late when I get home just to make sure that I still have time to talk to him; and he does the same too.
To make up for being thousands of miles away from each other, we would talk about everything that happened in our day – what made us smile, what made us upset, who we ate lunch with, what we ate, everything. It was our way to somehow make the other person be a part of our day; and in the process, we got to know each other a little bit more every day too.
And even when we argue, we still talk. Now, that was something that was really hard for me. When I’m angry, I tend to not say a word and just keep it all inside me. But being in a long distance relationship, I learned that we have to talk through everything even if I don’t want to because we won’t be able to solve any problem we have if we don’t. It took a while but I got used to it.
Being in a long distance relationship means that you don’t get to go out on dates so you have to be creative. We don’t go out on public places and Skype with each other while we’re dining out; ours was pretty simple. We both love watching movies so we would simply watch a movie together; special thanks to Skype’s “Desktop Share” functionality.
Every weekend, we would decide what we want to watch and then he’d usually play it on his laptop; then he’d share his desktop with me so I could watch with him. He did this all the time because his internet is way too faster than mine. My internet would get interrupted here and there but we just kept at it and up to now, I still think of those virtual dates as the fun times that we did even if we were living too thousands of miles away from each other.
This is very important in any relationship that you’ll be in; and it’s even more important if you’re in a long distance relationship. You have to trust that the other person, even though thousands of miles away from you, loves you enough to not cheat on you and not do anything to ruin your relationship.
For someone who has been in a lot of messy relationships like myself, it was really hard for me to trust someone, let alone someone whom I cannot be with every day. But believe me, if you’re with someone who’s worthy of your trust, you’ll just know it and trust will be earned easily. And I guess it really helped that both of us were in the same page and wanted a monogamous relationship.
It was meant to be
I honestly believe that our long distance relationship worked out the way it did because it was meant to be. It may sound cliché but I think he is the one God has planned for me. I mean, seriously, we could have given our relationship everything we could to make it work but in the end, if it wasn’t meant to be, something’s bound to happen that will cause it to end even if we didn’t want it to. And that is why, I thank God every night before I go to bed for bringing him into my life.
There was this one time when I was trying to find some files in his laptop and I came across a picture he had saved in there with a filename “MeantToBe”. I opened it and to my surprise, it was one of our pictures; it made my heart melt. Isn’t it funny that we were both thinking the same thing?
Here’s one of our pictures which was taken shortly after I arrived here in the U.S.
Our relationship wasn’t perfect; we’ve had our ups and downs. To be honest, at some point either of us wanted to get out. But we made it work; and if we were able to do it, anyone who has the right attitude and mindset could too.
Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? How did you make it work? What did you think of this post? Let me know in the comments. You know I always love to hear from you.