Am I A Bad Mom?

am i a bad mom title image

Last weekend, my husband and I watched the movie Bad Moms. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this movie, it is about 3 overworked and under-appreciated moms who are pushed beyond their limits and ditched their conventional responsibilities for a jolt of long overdue freedom, fun, and comedic self-indulgence. You can read more about it here.

I liked the movie because the story is very close to my heart, not because I am overworked and under-appreciated. Simply because I am a mom, I understand all the challenges that comes with it, and most days I feel like I’m being a bad one. I found myself sobbing on some scenes because I can relate to their struggles.

It got me thinking… Would I really consider myself a bad mom?

A month ago, my husband took my son for his 1-year well check-up. That day, my husband was running late and asked me to call the doctor’s office to let them know; I was told about the grace period policy – if they arrive within that grace period, we are assured that the doctor will still see them; but if not, the decision is up to the doctor. My husband and son arrived a few minutes before the grace period lapsed; but unfortunately, someone was in front of the line checking in and when it was their turn to check in, the grace period has passed.

mommy putting clothes on baby boy; baby boy wearing knitted shorts with suspender and bow tie

The office manager talked to the provider but the provider decided she didn’t want to see them. I tried to talk to the office manager because it was me who talked to the office personnel earlier that day and asked about the grace period policy. The office manager wanted my husband to come back later that day or on another day which was really frustrating because he had to go and get our car fixed later that day and he already worked from home to make sure he’s able to go to both appointments.

I tried to reason how unfair it is when we’d arrive on time for our appointments, we’d still have to wait for 30 – 60 minutes just to get seen, and this happens all the time. That day, they arrived within the grace period but the doctor didn’t want to make an exception. The office manager said he couldn’t do anything about it which really frustrated me so I said something that got us kicked out from that practice. (But later on we found that the practice has so much patients that they kick patients out as soon as they see an opportunity to).

Of course, I felt bad at first, because it felt like I disappointed my family. But the more I think about it, the more I felt good with what happened. See, what I did was stood up for my family because they are being treated unfairly. And that is something that I will never ever regret. And I will do that again if I can assure that anyone from my family will get the fair treatment they deserve.

My parents would always tell me to send my kids to the Philippines and have them take care of them; it’s going to be so much easier for us and so much cheaper (because we’ve been sending them to daycare). But I hated that idea; I hate being away from my kids, let alone be thousands of miles away from them. I couldn’t do that; I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I would always tell them I want to be there for my kids every step of the way, I don’t want to miss any milestones, and I want to form a really good bond with them as they grow up because I think that is essential to their growth.

mommy putting clothes on baby girl; baby wearing tutu skirt

I understand very well that it’s going to be very hard for us financially to send two kids to daycare on top of our monthly expenses but I would always think about those families back in the Philippines who don’t have anything (even decent job), and somehow they manage to take care of their family. If they can do it, we should be able to manage as well. I know it’s going to be hard and challenging taking care of two kids since I have a full-time job and also need to do household chores but we’ll figure it out, we’ll get through it, and we’ll make it work because there’s nothing better than going home to your kids after a long day at work and finding peace in that. For me, it is a gift to have a family that’s together and that should be cherished every single day.

Most of the time, I don’t know even know what I’m doing and I just try to wing it as I go, and to my surprise, somehow it always works out in the end. Some days I want to quit because of exhaustion and frustration but as soon as I see those adorable smiles or hear those sweet giggles or feel those warm hugs and wet kisses, it makes me realize again why I wanted to have kids in the first place.

I don’t have it all figured out; heck I am not a perfect mom – I yell, I get frustrated,  need a break from time to time, and I worry. I worry a lot even about the tiniest things; did I spend enough time with my kids today; did my daughter drink enough water; are we putting vaseline on my son’s skin as often as we should; are the kids eating too much carbs; am I teaching them enough things, and so much more.

We all strive to be the perfect mom that we want to be for our kids. We do our best to make sure all their needs are met, we always make an effort to make sure they have the best of everything, and we end up taking our own needs for granted in the process. And sometimes, even with those, it still feels like it’s not enough; it feels like there’s so much more we could do.

In all honesty, if we just take a step back, and just be present in all those moments that we need to be, and we guide them to be the best person that they can be, no matter how much we think we are not good enough or there’s still so much more we can do, it’s all going to be okay. At the end of the day, what matters is what we showed our kids, what we have imparted to them, and what we made them feel.

Moms, just like everyone, make mistakes too, a lot of them; and that’s okay. What’s important is that we acknowledge our mistakes and we plan to make up for it. We are just humans; we commit mistakes. That’s how we learn, that’s how we grow, and that’s what makes us strive to be the best person that we can be.

Yes, I am flawed; some days I stumble and fall, but I will continue to rise and come out of it a better person every time I do. Just like most of you, I am someone with a heart filled with an overflowing love for my kids who only wants nothing but the best for them. Bad mom or not, I don’t really care; what matters is that I am good enough for my kids.

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Love, Belle

Linking up with Simply Every | The Disorganized Parent

51 Comments
  • KIm
    Posted at 08:28h, 28 October Reply

    Great post! We are not bad moms, we just are real. Life happens, we make mistakes. But, we have happy kids and are doing the best we can. That makes us awesome!

    • Belle
      Posted at 08:34h, 28 October Reply

      Thank you! You couldn’t have said it any better; we are just humans and we try the best we can. As long as we have happy kids; we’re doing great! 🙂

  • shannanpanganiban
    Posted at 08:32h, 28 October Reply

    Loving & having those babes best interests at heart is all that matters! Love this!

    • Belle
      Posted at 08:34h, 28 October Reply

      Thank you! That is all that matters at the end of the day. 🙂

  • Onlygirl4boyz
    Posted at 09:52h, 28 October Reply

    We all deal with that guilt and sometimes feeling like we are falling short but, you are doing a great job!! I’m sure everything will work out with daycare expenses and everything else! You are doing the best you can in ever area, we have to give ourselves credit for that! 🙂

    • Belle
      Posted at 10:51h, 28 October Reply

      Thank you! It really means a lot to hear that. I do believe that everything else will work out; because most of the time, they really do. And you’re right, sometimes we don’t give ourselves the credit we deserve. 🙂

  • reallifewithbabies
    Posted at 10:13h, 28 October Reply

    This is so great! I love your honesty. Sometimes I feel like a bad mom too, but I must remember that I am doing my best! That’s all I can do!

    • Belle
      Posted at 10:50h, 28 October Reply

      Thank you! That’s true; we must remember that we are always doing our best.

  • Striving Momma
    Posted at 10:50h, 28 October Reply

    This is such a great post! When I first had my son, I was so worried about doing everything perfectly. After a while, though, I finally figured out it just wasn’t possible. Sometimes you just need to slow down and remind yourself as long as you’re doing your best, you’re doing great!

    • Belle
      Posted at 10:54h, 28 October Reply

      Thank you! That really means a lot. You are right; perfection just isn’t possible no matter how much we try. What we can do though is to be the best version of ourselves for our kids, and that is absolutely doable. And once we’ve done that, we’re all good!

  • Shan Walker (@shanGURUwalker)
    Posted at 12:04h, 28 October Reply

    The “Mama Guilt” struggle is very real for all of us – no matter our particular situation or the age of our children. My youngest is 16 and I had Mama guilt this past weekend wondering if I was making some good decisions that affect her. I finally realized that I am to pray and let God lead us and REST in the fact that He knows best and I should trust Him more.

    Blessings!
    The How-to Guru

    • Belle
      Posted at 12:38h, 28 October Reply

      You are right! There’s really no way to know for sure if whatever decision we’re making is good for our kids. We can only make them based on our knowledge and experience and just hope and pray that it all works out in the end. We really should just trust in Him because he’s the only one who knows what’s best for us and for our kids. 🙂

  • Ayanna
    Posted at 12:50h, 28 October Reply

    Beautifully said! We all try our best and we often fall short. That doesn’t make us bad moms, that makes us human.

    • Belle
      Posted at 12:56h, 28 October Reply

      Thank you! I agree; falling short is also part of being human.

  • Dani Adams
    Posted at 18:35h, 28 October Reply

    Your parents sound like my own. They live states away, and moved far from us willingly right before the birth of my second child. Now my mother constantly requests I send her my children. Like you, I cannot be away from my kids for a long period of time. Motherhood sure has its challenges. I think if you are trying and making conscious decisions to benefit your children, then your a great mom. We all have a hiccups, best to give ourselves a break once in a while.

    • Belle
      Posted at 21:16h, 28 October Reply

      Thank you! That means a lot. 🙂

  • mrsbsock
    Posted at 07:27h, 29 October Reply

    thank you for writing about what so many women silently wrestle with. <3

    • Belle
      Posted at 09:54h, 29 October Reply

      You’re welcome! I am glad you loved it. Have a great weekend!

  • pickettfamily
    Posted at 09:39h, 29 October Reply

    Aw, I love that you’re so honest with how you feel as a mom! I haven’t seen the movie, but I’ve definitely asked myself the same questions, especially when my children were younger.

    • Belle
      Posted at 09:55h, 29 October Reply

      I guess it’s really pretty common for us moms to feel that way. Thank you; I am glad you loved it. 🙂

  • Lindsay Katherine
    Posted at 10:44h, 29 October Reply

    Love this honest post, and flaws does not make you a bad mom – it makes you a person! You are a great mom, and all the mommas out there can surely relate. Also, I do love that movie : )

    • Belle
      Posted at 12:44h, 29 October Reply

      I agree! Committing mistakes is what being human is all about. Thank you!😊

  • Crystal
    Posted at 11:37h, 29 October Reply

    In quite a twist of irony, I had no idea quite how sexually explicit that movie was going to be and took my fifteen-year-old daughter to it. Talk about a bad mom moment!!

    • Belle
      Posted at 12:43h, 29 October Reply

      Oh no!!! I hope she wasn’t shocked. I had no idea it was going to be that way too; I thought it’s just going to be wholesome funny mom moments you know. So sorry to hear that though.

  • Jen
    Posted at 17:16h, 29 October Reply

    Beautifully said! We all feel like bad moms at times because no is perfect, but we have such high expectations for ourselves. And even though we may fail, we get up and trying again, And that is a lesson our children see – not to give up. Which is why moms are awesome!

    • Belle
      Posted at 22:18h, 29 October Reply

      Thank you! You couldn’t have said it any better! Moms are really awesome! Have a great weekend!

  • Rebecca
    Posted at 21:47h, 29 October Reply

    That practice sounds awful! I cant believe they wouldn’t see your husband and baby especially when they often run so late themselves You definitely did the right thing in the way you stood up for your family. That practice doesn’t deserve you!

    • Belle
      Posted at 22:19h, 29 October Reply

      Thank you! I know; it was a blessing in disguise because I found a new one that’s so much closer to where we live and everyone’s really nice too!

  • jurtaxicpark
    Posted at 09:59h, 30 October Reply

    This is so important for us moms to remember. I think we are all too hard on ourselves. With the pinterest perfect projects, homes, style, and motherhood in general, it’s hard to remember that we are not perfect nor should we be. I’m imperfect but I’m perfect for my daughter. Thank you for sharing this – your struggles and your message – for all of us moms out there who don’t feel adequate.

    • Belle
      Posted at 17:33h, 30 October Reply

      I guess that’s the hard truth; we all try to be the perfect mom that we can be. But really what matters is that we are just perfect for people who matters, our family. You’re welcome and thank you for stopping by. Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

  • Meg
    Posted at 10:11h, 31 October Reply

    Oh, the mom guilt! I’ve started telling myself I’m just a mom… Flawed, tired, impatient, but full of love and trying again every day to be what my kids need. Keep at it!

    • Belle
      Posted at 10:23h, 31 October Reply

      That’s true! I guess we just keep on trying. Happy Halloween! 🙂

  • Bridget (Nutty Hiker)
    Posted at 12:52h, 31 October Reply

    I have yet to watch that movie, but want to! Mostly because I feel like that all the time! You’re not alone. We aren’t perfect even if society thinks we should be =)

    • Belle
      Posted at 13:12h, 31 October Reply

      I love this. Thank you! It’s really great to know that I am not the only one. 🙂 You have to see it; it’s hilarious!

  • Savannah (@HowHesRaised)
    Posted at 01:41h, 02 November Reply

    LOOOVE this post. Making mistakes and having flaws does NOT make you a bad mom….it makes you human. And it’s something your kids will respect you for in the long run. If, at the end of the day, you feel confident in your decisions, then don’t let anyone make you second guess yourself. You’re mama, a good one at that!, and you know best <3

    • Belle
      Posted at 10:54h, 04 November Reply

      Awww! Thank you so much! Everything you said means a lot. Have a great weekend and thank you for stopping by.

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  • SIC Mama
    Posted at 08:40h, 09 November Reply

    Loved reading this post. We all experience mom guilt and have cases of the “not good enoughs” but honestly, I find those of us that question our very mothering tactics are usually among the best of us! We ARE overworked and UNDER appreciated, and from time to time the toll this takes on us shows its ugly face… and thats OK! You’ve got this Mama! You’re one awesome mama 😉

    • Belle
      Posted at 06:56h, 10 November Reply

      Thank you! I loved everything you said! This means a lot!

  • Holly from klinwin.com
    Posted at 13:36h, 09 November Reply

    Nice post and it’s such a great reminder that, as parents, it’s great for kids when we can just exist in the moment. And we’re sure you’re a great mom! : )

    • Belle
      Posted at 06:59h, 10 November Reply

      Awww! Thank you so much! It means a lot.

  • MumsOrchardHouse
    Posted at 19:54h, 09 November Reply

    Always trust your mom gut & stick to your guns! It wasn’t meant to be & a relationship that was clearly meant to end. I hope you find a better fit!

    • Belle
      Posted at 07:00h, 10 November Reply

      Thank you! That practice was really awful!

  • Mrs. Mommy Mack
    Posted at 19:52h, 10 November Reply

    Love your site! Very aesthetically pleasing and GREAT domain name. I found you on Disorganized Parent page. Hope to keep reading more!

    • Belle
      Posted at 22:40h, 10 November Reply

      Thank you! That means a lot. 🙂

  • Hope Springs Eternal Mama
    Posted at 14:33h, 16 November Reply

    SO loved your post (and your writing style!) I can totally relate to this as well. P.S. I’m religiously checking RedBox in hopes that “Bad Moms” will be there early…can’t wait to watch it! 🙂

    • Belle
      Posted at 14:53h, 16 November Reply

      Thank you! That really means a lot and I hope you get to see it soon! Let me know what you think of the movie!

  • momentsdippedinink
    Posted at 15:55h, 01 December Reply

    I can so relate to this! I’ve felt like this often especially when our day is going downhill.

    • Belle
      Posted at 23:26h, 01 December Reply

      I still have those days where I’d think if I am being bad but I guess it’s just second nature. Almost every day, things happen that will make you question yourself, and maybe that’s really normal for moms. Thank you for stopping by.

  • Muraly
    Posted at 07:44h, 14 December Reply

    No one is a bad mother. Every mom makes mistakes in her motherhood journey one or the other time. Even I have made a few mistakes. But my mother was there to correct it & guide me. So be a little easy on yourself. I read this blog recently – https://www.tinystep.in/blog/in-trying-to-be-the-best-mom-we-all-forget-this-one-thing. It is a nice article about motherhood. Please read it. I think you will like it.

    • Belle
      Posted at 23:33h, 14 December Reply

      Thank you! That really means a lot.

Let me know what you think. You know I always love to hear from you.

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